Some might have noticed I haven’t posted for a while… a long eight months, to be exact. I could chalk this absence up to a busy work schedule, short bouts of illness, preparing for presentations, caring for family members, etc. And while all of these might technically be true, they aren’t the real reason I haven’t posted. As difficult as it is to put into words, I’ve come to realize that I will be better off just getting it out, rather than continuing to internalize it. So… the fact is that I’ve been trying (sometimes successfully, other times less so) to deal with depression. I have dealt with depression on and off throughout my life, and with me it has always been situational. This time, however, it’s been going on for much longer than ever before. Much of it has to do with the state of the earth. I recently read an article written by an environmentalist who outlined, painfully, the difficulty he has had maintaining equilibrium in a world where our planet seems to be, quite literally, dying, because of us. Battles have always had to be fought, but wins used to be much more frequent. These days most of what I learn, what I see from day to day is more destruction, more death, more greed, and more hatred. All too often I find myself thinking how much I don’t want to be a part of this. I would never actually try to end my life, but these days I very much despair of my own species. Whenever I read about poaching, or animal trafficking, or any sort of abuse, or forests being burned and indigenous people being marginalized and even murdered for the sake of greed… some days it’s just too much for me to take. Even the thoughts of so many species dwindling to extinction feels like someone is slicing away pieces of me, bit by bit. The things I do to try to turn the tide seem so woefully inadequate, but I continue to try. And I continue to look for additional ways to make a difference.
I have been walking, whenever I’ve had the chance. But my work schedule actually has been quite heavy, so my opportunities have not been as frequent. I do realize, though, that one of the best ways for me to overcome these feelings of hopelessness, despair, depression, is to get out and spend more quality time with nature. To that end, I will try harder to get outside, and to post about it. My owl banding season is coming to a close soon, which will free up more of my time as well. So… I will write again, and I promise I will make future posts more upbeat and in line with the goals of this site!
Please bear with me as I try to ditch this weight.